Space Out

At the beginning of the year I was told my two best friends were going to be away at the same time for 3 months, this led to my anxiety levels rising instantly. My head automatically filling up with anxious thoughts such as ‘f***, what am I going to do,’ ‘how will I feel being single and not having the two people I spend most of my time with,’ ‘will my anxiety arise again.’ It got to the point of tears and many nights allowing myself to get anxious. I realised one evening quite close to them leaving how much I had relied on my friends to keep me up, keep me going and keep my calendar full since I became single – avoiding ME time.

(Don’t get me wrong with what I am about to say, I have missed my pals SO much and can’t wait to reunite and spend most days with one or the other, however…..)

I don’t know what I was so scared about, honestly! ME time has become f****** great. I have met new friends, I have got closer to previous friends, I have read 4 books, I have spent time with my grandparents more than the average amount, I have learnt to not give a f*** about others opinions, I have learnt to not stress as much and I have enjoyed most of all ME. I am no longer scared to be alone, I no longer need to plan every second in my diary. I enjoy me, I am still learning to love me and understand me but I am a hell of a lot closer than before my girls left. Sometimes things happen in life for a reason and I am happy this happened for me, remember, you only have you, give yourself some time, learn about yourself and ultimately realise how frickin amazing you are.

Sometimes We Just Don’t Want To

Sometimes we just don’t want to leave the house for the day, sometimes we just don’t want to attend the plan we have arranged for the day, sometimes we just don’t want to get out of our pyjamas, put makeup on, brush our teeth, have a shower and sometimes we just don’t want to talk- this is ok, I promise you. This does not mean you are not ok, this does not mean you are a bad person for potentially cancelling the odd plan and it certainly does not mean that the next day will be the same as the present day.

I think it is important to remember it is ok to have a quiet day, it is ok to feel how your body is feeling that day rather than fighting it. You do not need to explain yourself to anybody or yourself, you do not need to justify yourself or look for excuses, sometimes we just aren’t feeling up to something and that is ok.

Try and not overthink how your body is feeling, if you suffer from anxiety don’t allow the monster to open the gate and come out, maybe you are just tired, maybe you are due your period (ladies) or maybe the heat is effecting you, all of these are possible and none of them are permanent. Be acceptive of the day you are having, go with the flow and most importantly listen to your body.

Hectic

My view on a relationship (friend or partner)

Should we be waiting hours for a reply? (Should we be bothered we haven’t received a reply?) Should we be checking activity? (Should facebook, snapchat, Instagram allow activity to be shown?) Should we be feeling jealous if they aren’t out with us, if they aren’t on the phone to us? (Should we be feeling insecure in the friend/partner in the first place?)

I think we should give ourselves a little credit though girls (majority of the time,) society makes ‘stalking’ the most accessible thing, no girl can deny the enjoyment or habit. But, let’s think, is it healthy? Is it how we should be spending our seconds/minutes or hours of the day?

A relationship MUST always be a two way deal, each person should want to talk, each person should want to know about what’s going on with the other and each person should be willing to make that time for the other. If any of these are lacking you need to ask yourself, is this my friend/partner, or is this person a ‘time filler?’

After, think, Is this someone who I want to share my life stories with, who I want to spend moments I won’t get back with? Think about it, if you have to ask somebody to make effort for you, if you have to doubt your worth to somebody, if you have to be the person who gets in contact first, who organises drinks each time, are they even worth the time of day?

Don’t allow yourself to feel unwanted, don’t put yourself in a vulnerable position, if somebody makes you feel this way, then say ‘au revoir’ and crack on with your day being the star you are. X

(I would just like to say I haven’t forgot about the blog, I haven’t ‘given up’ on the blog, just sometimes life comes in the way, daily activities take place on the priority list but ultimately this blog I feel keeps me sane and I hope it helps others reading it so it is not something I intend to be finishing any time soon.)