23.10.19

I find it so strange that I don’t have a 1000 words to write/to say (I normally do.) Obstacles are surrounding me and thoughts are processing through me but no words to type, no flow through the fingers to tap. Confused of how I am feeling, confused on the loyalty of people around me, confused on how I should be feeling and fully aware of the self care pal that I have dedicated time to build on my shoulder slowly shadowing away. (I will NOT allow this to happen)

Reading previous blogs, reminding myself a bad day is a bad day, one bad day does not mean several are about to follow. Reminding myself of the blogs I have read, the person I have become.

Telling myself: allow yourself to feel low, allow yourself to have an off day, allow yourself to process all the emotions you are feeling without beating yourself up about it. Life isn’t easy but it does not mean life cannot be kind.

Not every day, month, year will be a walk in the park and not every day, month, year will be a struggle, take day by day, month by month and year by year. Be grateful to be part of the world, to be part of the family you have around you, to be part of the friendship circle you have around you and to be the person you are.

I am aware the girl writing these blogs (moi) doesn’t have her sh** together 24/7 and doesn’t follow every bit of advice she is writing, however, she is learning and she is trying.

Putting yourself first, saying no to people who don’t deserve a yes, putting your needs first, not keeping quiet when you want to be loud and to not let unimportant problems take up so much space buzzing around. Currently I am struggling to keep these important pieces of life working, however, I am a 100% working at it.

As I’ve said the whole way through and what I keep needing to remind myself at the moment, ultimately the only person we have is ourselves. Be you, trust you, rely on you, care for YOU.

Spa

Time alone has always been a challenge seen by myself, a challenge I never felt too happy to participate in as I am sure many of us feel the same about, right?

A year on I have spent a whole day in a spa as well as many other moments alone, however, the spa was the first time alone and the first time I truly relaxed doing the things I wanted to do NOT what I thought looked better to be seen. I spent the day reading a book, relaxing in a swimming costume and robe not giving a f*** of people’s opinions and I enjoyed two treatments without my phone beside me vibrating notification. Just me, myself and I.

I now see time on my own as self love, self care and an enjoyable way to spend it. If you don’t like time alone give yourself some little tasks to get use to it because honestly once you start enjoying it, your life changes in many positive ways. Ultimately you only have YOU, so allow yourself to look after you.

Whirlwind

Emotions high, anxiety rising, heart experiencing pain, guilt flowing, sadness simmering, whirlwind within my own mind. An experience I have never experienced, an experience able to consume the mind of 9427290 feelings. Trying to keep my s*** together, trying to hold myself together, trying to support others, trying to sleep throughout the night without interrupted thoughts, trying to keep my social life. Trying to write, mental blocks appearing each time, emotions getting involved, unable to write positive. Self- care being neglected, self-love being put on hold, consumed with those 9427580 feelings 24/7.

Using other experiences I have experienced to pull myself together, to remain with self- love, self- care, without those two parts working we couldn’t be the best version of ourselves and right now for the people around me and for the person within me I need to be this version. (She’s the best)

I will be back to writing as much as I can when my mind is able, I will not beat myself up on the days I can not write, I will allow my body to feel how it feels and move on to the next day as a new chapter.

Remember, be the best version of yourself, even when life is throwing challenges, YOU are important, you deserve self- love and self-care always, you do what you need to provide love to yourself before you provide all your love to others. YOU have got this.

Time Out

Mind rushing, thoughts processing, heart rate racing, irrational thoughts slowing rising, bursting emotions happening. Sometimes our minds are just TOO busy, it happens to all of us. When this happens sometimes it can feel there is no escape, there is no ‘time out.’

10 things I attend to do just to have ‘time out’ on those not so quiet days/weeks just to feel numb for a second, to escape for a minute or to purely focus on me for a slight moment:

1. Read a book (no1 every time)

2. Write a blog (even if there is nothing positive to write about)

3. Listen to music (sad or happy but music YOU enjoy)

4. Eat food (comforting as most of us know)

5. Take a shower or bath (use your favourite shower gel, shampoo and conditioner, self indulge)

6. Take a walk (not always my first choice if I am 100% honest BUT it never fails to help a down day)

7. Have a nap (always a good one)

8. Colouring (so many books you can get now for de-stressing give it a go)

9. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while (someone who will make you smile)

10. Work (sometimes work seems like the last place we would like to be BUT it can be a great mind distraction and ‘time out’)

Numb

Feeling numb, feeling confused about the feeling of numbness, how should I feel? How should I digest this information? How should I react to this news and how should I go about the news following this night? Nothing can prepare you for bad news, nothing can prepare you for feeling like someone has hit you in the heart with a rock and kept it crushed there. I want to be positive, I want to embrace the news with a pinch of salt and move forward and enjoy every second moving on, although, my body, my heart is wanting everything to stop around me, wanting to curl into a sloth mode and not move for a little while, be comforted by myself and to not have to accept anything from the outside world.

Family is everything, there is no other word for it, every member of your family is everything, your happiness, your joy, your sadness, your pain, entirely everything from the moment you are brought into it. Thoughts running through my mind ‘you cannot allow yourself to break, allow yourself to tire out, you are here and you are here to deal with challenges in front of you, you are a kind and wonderful person and you will support your family, yourself and be there every second of the way.’ It may be a hard journey to follow but we have each other, as long as we remember that then everything will be ok, we need to remember we will break, we will crumble, we will laugh and almost certainly cry but most importantly any puzzle partings we loose on the way we will will always figure a way to find them back again.

P. S Now it is about trying to sleep with a mumbled brain and awaken with a clearer one, white box box out, favourite blanket above me and that’s it, night pals.

Human Masks

Most of us have the capability to put on a mask to hide the behind scene, sometimes we praise ourselves for this, however, should we not be wanting to share our real selves? I don’t necessarily mean share our stories, share our experiences, share our life’s with people we are not associated or who we simply don’t want to BUT I do mean share our emotions, share our day to day feelings whether that means happy, sad, excited, angry, proud or loving. Mental health has increased so much over the previous years and I believe mine partially happened due to having my pretence mask on and the pressure the mask had behind it.

Why don’t you try even just for 24 hours to show your real emotions, to show your real face, no mask, no over layer of emotions and just purely be you. You are an amazing beautiful human even if you aren’t happy every moment, let’s release the pressure of mental health and try and be open with one another. It is ok to not be ok and it is ok to be more than ok. You be YOU.

Challenges

Life gives us challenges purposely to test us, not to defeat us, not to break us but to show us how capable our body is for fighting them, staying strong and getting through all the challenges that arise only shows us how amazing we can truly be.

Sometimes it can be hard to accept this, to remember this, to even endure it, however, it’s something that must happen to make life easier, it is something we are ALL capable of if we believe in our bodies and mind.

Remember how strong of an individual you are, remember how much your mind and body can take and accept. Believe in yourself, be the strong person you can be and show all the kindness and love that you have to people around you that deserve it. (F*** the others)