23.10.19

I find it so strange that I don’t have a 1000 words to write/to say (I normally do.) Obstacles are surrounding me and thoughts are processing through me but no words to type, no flow through the fingers to tap. Confused of how I am feeling, confused on the loyalty of people around me, confused on how I should be feeling and fully aware of the self care pal that I have dedicated time to build on my shoulder slowly shadowing away. (I will NOT allow this to happen)

Reading previous blogs, reminding myself a bad day is a bad day, one bad day does not mean several are about to follow. Reminding myself of the blogs I have read, the person I have become.

Telling myself: allow yourself to feel low, allow yourself to have an off day, allow yourself to process all the emotions you are feeling without beating yourself up about it. Life isn’t easy but it does not mean life cannot be kind.

Not every day, month, year will be a walk in the park and not every day, month, year will be a struggle, take day by day, month by month and year by year. Be grateful to be part of the world, to be part of the family you have around you, to be part of the friendship circle you have around you and to be the person you are.

I am aware the girl writing these blogs (moi) doesn’t have her sh** together 24/7 and doesn’t follow every bit of advice she is writing, however, she is learning and she is trying.

Putting yourself first, saying no to people who don’t deserve a yes, putting your needs first, not keeping quiet when you want to be loud and to not let unimportant problems take up so much space buzzing around. Currently I am struggling to keep these important pieces of life working, however, I am a 100% working at it.

As I’ve said the whole way through and what I keep needing to remind myself at the moment, ultimately the only person we have is ourselves. Be you, trust you, rely on you, care for YOU.

Spa

Time alone has always been a challenge seen by myself, a challenge I never felt too happy to participate in as I am sure many of us feel the same about, right?

A year on I have spent a whole day in a spa as well as many other moments alone, however, the spa was the first time alone and the first time I truly relaxed doing the things I wanted to do NOT what I thought looked better to be seen. I spent the day reading a book, relaxing in a swimming costume and robe not giving a f*** of people’s opinions and I enjoyed two treatments without my phone beside me vibrating notification. Just me, myself and I.

I now see time on my own as self love, self care and an enjoyable way to spend it. If you don’t like time alone give yourself some little tasks to get use to it because honestly once you start enjoying it, your life changes in many positive ways. Ultimately you only have YOU, so allow yourself to look after you.

Whirlwind

Emotions high, anxiety rising, heart experiencing pain, guilt flowing, sadness simmering, whirlwind within my own mind. An experience I have never experienced, an experience able to consume the mind of 9427290 feelings. Trying to keep my s*** together, trying to hold myself together, trying to support others, trying to sleep throughout the night without interrupted thoughts, trying to keep my social life. Trying to write, mental blocks appearing each time, emotions getting involved, unable to write positive. Self- care being neglected, self-love being put on hold, consumed with those 9427580 feelings 24/7.

Using other experiences I have experienced to pull myself together, to remain with self- love, self- care, without those two parts working we couldn’t be the best version of ourselves and right now for the people around me and for the person within me I need to be this version. (She’s the best)

I will be back to writing as much as I can when my mind is able, I will not beat myself up on the days I can not write, I will allow my body to feel how it feels and move on to the next day as a new chapter.

Remember, be the best version of yourself, even when life is throwing challenges, YOU are important, you deserve self- love and self-care always, you do what you need to provide love to yourself before you provide all your love to others. YOU have got this.

Time Out

Mind rushing, thoughts processing, heart rate racing, irrational thoughts slowing rising, bursting emotions happening. Sometimes our minds are just TOO busy, it happens to all of us. When this happens sometimes it can feel there is no escape, there is no ‘time out.’

10 things I attend to do just to have ‘time out’ on those not so quiet days/weeks just to feel numb for a second, to escape for a minute or to purely focus on me for a slight moment:

1. Read a book (no1 every time)

2. Write a blog (even if there is nothing positive to write about)

3. Listen to music (sad or happy but music YOU enjoy)

4. Eat food (comforting as most of us know)

5. Take a shower or bath (use your favourite shower gel, shampoo and conditioner, self indulge)

6. Take a walk (not always my first choice if I am 100% honest BUT it never fails to help a down day)

7. Have a nap (always a good one)

8. Colouring (so many books you can get now for de-stressing give it a go)

9. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a while (someone who will make you smile)

10. Work (sometimes work seems like the last place we would like to be BUT it can be a great mind distraction and ‘time out’)

Hospitals Outlook

Recently I have spent more time than I have anticipated or wanted in hospitals looking over people I love. When walking in to a hospital our sudden mind process is dread, nerves or just seems to be a sudden jump to general negativity, understandably of course.

Hospital staff running around, relatives waiting for staff to arrive to there relatives, people crying, people shouting, people hugging or people smiling, it all happens within the walls of a hospital surrounded by the staff of the NHS. Hospitals have a spectacular way of bringing a families close together, bringing people who wouldn’t necessarily be together, together. Each person’s priority becomes the same one, we work as a team, we communicate as a team and we support as a team. Family members visiting walking is seen as ‘normal,’ however, not all patients will have a family around there beds/bays. (If you can pass a smile to a stranger on a hospital bed, then do so, it may be the only smile they get all day, be that kind person you know you rock at being.)

Hospitals bring people closer, hospitals and the staff within the walls help patients get better, help patients eat, help patients function throughout there days and help us be able to keep the people we love around us.

Don’t take a second for granted, don’t take the NHS for granted and certainly try and walk down the next hospital corridor noticing not only the sad parts but also all the love surrounding the walls, surrounding the bays and surrounding the patients, it’s magical when you look at it from that perspective.

Body

I have learnt over the last few months to be grateful towards my body, to thank my body in ways I can because ultimately without my body functioning I wouldn’t be able to do all the amazing things I can. Since being a teen I have lived with a poor diet not really taking much consideration on the consequences that it could lead to. Since concentrating on my mental health and getting to a place I am happy with I now realise I have to do the same for my body. I have to give it 100%, feed it kind food (naughty sometimes of course,) be kind to it, be grateful towards it and love it. (Read bodyposipanda- a m a z i n g) What we put into our bodies is what we will get out of them.

I believe it is important for us to acknowledge our body is the one thing that keeps us functioning, let’s you walk the grounds you walk on, let’s you drink and eat the food and drink you love the most, let’s you take those naps that you almost certainly desire and let’s you function everyday carrying out the exciting plans you make. I believe We don’t give our bodies enough credit (I certainly haven’t been.)

No matter what skin colour your body is, what weight/shape your body is, what condition your body is in, YOUR body is allowing you to live in this wonderful life so treat it with just as much importance as your mind, it’s all connected. (If you don’t treat your mind with importance then please do, life becomes so much better when you put your health first.) You be kind to you and your body/mind will be kind back.

Happy

Does ‘happy’ necessarily have to mean you have a full beaming smile on your face? Does ‘happy’ mean you aren’t allowed to feel another emotion apart from one? Does it necessarily mean we will wake up the next morning ‘happy?’

NO. Happy has a different meaning for each person and each persons reasons for being happy are different (the same with all emotions.) However, I think it is important even if you only feel five minutes of happiness per day or only some days out of the week/month that we appreciate these moments, that we take them in, love them and endure them, not take them for granted. There is no need to be disheartened if one happy moment only last seconds or minutes or even months because that’s ok, they’ll always be another one.

We aren’t programmed to be happy 24/7, it is ok to feel ‘ok’ or ‘meh’ on particular days. For me, once I let the pressure gate down having to act happy all the time and not allowing myself to feel other emotions in front of others it got a whole lot easier. I now feel however my body feels everyday and the moments I feel happy I endure, the moments I feel sad I also take in and pick myself back up again with a bit of self care.

Choose options that’ll make your day better, make decisions based on things you know will have a positive effect and don’t compare your version of happiness to others, rock your own. Every single one of us deserves happiness but more of it will come around if you accept YOU, care for YOU and live your own life for YOU.