Numb

Feeling numb, feeling confused about the feeling of numbness, how should I feel? How should I digest this information? How should I react to this news and how should I go about the news following this night? Nothing can prepare you for bad news, nothing can prepare you for feeling like someone has hit you in the heart with a rock and kept it crushed there. I want to be positive, I want to embrace the news with a pinch of salt and move forward and enjoy every second moving on, although, my body, my heart is wanting everything to stop around me, wanting to curl into a sloth mode and not move for a little while, be comforted by myself and to not have to accept anything from the outside world.

Family is everything, there is no other word for it, every member of your family is everything, your happiness, your joy, your sadness, your pain, entirely everything from the moment you are brought into it. Thoughts running through my mind ‘you cannot allow yourself to break, allow yourself to tire out, you are here and you are here to deal with challenges in front of you, you are a kind and wonderful person and you will support your family, yourself and be there every second of the way.’ It may be a hard journey to follow but we have each other, as long as we remember that then everything will be ok, we need to remember we will break, we will crumble, we will laugh and almost certainly cry but most importantly any puzzle partings we loose on the way we will will always figure a way to find them back again.

P. S Now it is about trying to sleep with a mumbled brain and awaken with a clearer one, white box box out, favourite blanket above me and that’s it, night pals.

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