Thankyou

Heart thumping, body sweating, vison blurry and pin and needles all over. ‘I need to be near the front door, that’s the safest place in the house’ I say to my mum. Mum is panicking, what shall I give her? how shall I calm her?. I’m thinking how will my life end? how long have I got? how do I breath properly?. No one can prepare you for a panic attack, for the feeling that is completely irrational but completely rational at that moment. This day changed everything for me, it changed my perception and it changed me. For a long period of time this was my life, FEAR and all I could think is ‘why me? what have I ever done to deserve this? when will it end? will it break me?.’ The next few months happen, emotions began to numb, feelings started to break, mind started to be 100% anxiety and ultimately I wasn’t Jessica anymore, I was a stranger in her body. At this point I truly believed it wasn’t going to leave, that this stranger had become the new me. The me I and others knew had gone, walking out the front door panicking had become the norm and having no emotions was something I got use to. My friends would ask ‘what’s happened? where’s Jess?’ I had no answer to this, I didn’t know myself, all I knew is that my life had turned for the worse. A year later I can honestly say ‘thankyou anxiety.’ You have changed me, you have allowed me to become a me I never had the courage to become before, you have made me realise things I didn’t before, you have made me brave and you have led me to typing this blog today. Everyone in this world who suffers from anxiety (panic attacks) can do this to, challenge it, talk about it, stand up to it and BEAT it. YOU can do this.

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