Reading + Anxiety

Hi guys,

I am here, my evenings have actually become very robotic when it comes to getting to bed. I light my ‘cosy up’ Yankee candle and start reading my present book hidden underneath my quilt whilst my fan is blowing breezily towards me. (= total bliss) My favourite hour of each week often now is walking to my local cafe, ordering a pint of Diet Coke (maybe a cookie) and reading a book for an hour – honestly, try it.

Anyone who suffers with anxiety or even just a mind that doesn’t quite understand how to slow down then I advice to read, I was a book worm when young, then grew out of it once going with my friends was much ‘cooler.’ I now have find the love again. It is an escape, it is time out and it is something I can officially call a hobby. You can read any book you like on anything you like, paperback, kindle or phone. Do it for YOU, have a break for YOU and allow yourself to have YOU time.

Panic

Blurred vision, irregular breathing, sweating, trembling feet, shaking fingers, dry mouth, eyes seeing lights as claws (I know, sounds crazy right) but it was happening and I knew I needed to control it. Accepting what was happening was the key to it disappearing, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth is the key to calming. During a panic it is hard to think rationally, I mean, seeing claws was hardly realistic? I knew this, we all know this but it doesn’t stop the images we see, it doesn’t stop the way we are feeling at that present moment, all we can do is flow with it, learn through it, experience it and tell yourself, everything will be ok, your mind is just currently being nasty.

If you are like me and no longer are in an ‘episode’ of anxiety but sometimes creeps up during certain situations then please listen;

You do not have to put yourself through any situation that does that to you, you do not have to put yourself around anyone that does that to you. YOU have total control, that’s the great part, use it and choose what is kind to you and your body.

It is important to say ‘well done you’ for trying to cross the barrier of anxiety in some situation but let’s face it, it is a f***** sometimes and it is ok to accept that. Each time you get through a panic, every time you get through a day of anxiety you have achieved, you have done yourself proud SO be proud. (I’m bloody proud of me and I’m confident to say so.)

No Negativity Allowed

Why would you accept people in your life that fill the space with a negative vibe? You deserve positivity. I think it is too often now that we sit and complain about certain people’s actions in our life but don’t change them, don’t adjust them and too easily allow them again and again even when we don’t necessarily agree with them. How many of us have accepted a person who ‘mood hoovers’ each time we see them, somebody who takes our time for granted, somebody who doesn’t understand the concept of a ‘two way’ friendship and somebody who fails to be there when times are tough. MANY of us, let’s stop, let’s put us first.

You don’t deserve anyone in your life that doesn’t better you as a person and doesn’t bring a smile to your face when around. Time and life is too precious, spend it with your favourite people. X

Hi Pals

Isn’t it strange how some days you can wake up as a glorious sunshine and some days you can wake up as a thundering cloud? Never quite grasped the concept as in between these moods sometimes all we’ve done is sleep. (If your anything like me, you LOVE sleep, so why would you wake up groggy?)

I don’t want to sound like a broken record but just go with your body, listen to your body. Try and have a different mindset when you wake up, instead of being annoyed because your a cloud today, try and accept being a cloud with maybe less raindrops than the day before! Make each day better than the last whether your in a low mood or a happy mood, accept that no matter what mood your in it isn’t permanent, it will change just maybe not within minutes or hours, or even days BUT it will change and YOU will be ok.

Space Out

At the beginning of the year I was told my two best friends were going to be away at the same time for 3 months, this led to my anxiety levels rising instantly. My head automatically filling up with anxious thoughts such as ‘f***, what am I going to do,’ ‘how will I feel being single and not having the two people I spend most of my time with,’ ‘will my anxiety arise again.’ It got to the point of tears and many nights allowing myself to get anxious. I realised one evening quite close to them leaving how much I had relied on my friends to keep me up, keep me going and keep my calendar full since I became single – avoiding ME time.

(Don’t get me wrong with what I am about to say, I have missed my pals SO much and can’t wait to reunite and spend most days with one or the other, however…..)

I don’t know what I was so scared about, honestly! ME time has become f****** great. I have met new friends, I have got closer to previous friends, I have read 4 books, I have spent time with my grandparents more than the average amount, I have learnt to not give a f*** about others opinions, I have learnt to not stress as much and I have enjoyed most of all ME. I am no longer scared to be alone, I no longer need to plan every second in my diary. I enjoy me, I am still learning to love me and understand me but I am a hell of a lot closer than before my girls left. Sometimes things happen in life for a reason and I am happy this happened for me, remember, you only have you, give yourself some time, learn about yourself and ultimately realise how frickin amazing you are.

An Escape

For me writing is an escape, writing is somewhere to express exactly how I feel, no one can stop me mid-flow, no one can interrupt me, just a complete blissful free zone to write about whatever the f*** I want, whenever I want. (Anyone who knows me will understand the amount I like to talk, this is supposedly helping to lessen that, what do you think?) I like to think writing has become a form of daily self care, part of my routine when needing to rant, express or voice my feelings. Anyone who has been to counselling and was well enough to stop, firstly, well done that’s great, secondly, if you feel the need for that weekly rant/talk to still happen then writing a blog is a perfect alternative or even a great addition on the side to your weekly counselling sessions. It is vital for me that I clear my head, again, if you know me you will know I have a 1000 thoughts a day running around, as I am sure a lot of us do (tiring.)

Isn’t it strange how emotions can change within a flick of a light, yesterday I had a bad day, the day before yesterday I had a good day and today I have had an average day, we are all the same. Within those three days nothing had happened, nothing was specifically wrong… puzzles me why we can’t always just be happy, would be lovely, right? (The voice on my shoulder; tough shit, we can’t so get on with what we do feel and kick ass at it.) Last week I felt the need for time alone, this week I am searching for plans to fill spaces on my calendar. (Again if you know me, you’ll know this is normal to have a full to brim diary if something isn’t right.) Does this necessarily mean I am not ok, or that I will never want time alone again? does this necessarily mean something is bothering me and I’ll never figure it? no, we don’t always know the specific problems without searching, but I know its how my body is feeling and I know it is important to listen to what my body is saying.

I have learnt it is important to listen to how you are feeling, it is important to focus on the present day and not seven days ahead and it is important to keep yourself and your well being at the top of the priority list always. YOU do you because ultimately all you have is yourself.

Mums

Mums aren’t just ‘mums’ though, are they?

They are (you are) –

  • A friend that you/I can turn to when times are dark.
  • An adviser you/I can ask questions to when you/I are unsure.
  • A ‘sunshine’ to make you/I smile when it seems impossible on your/my own.
  • A ‘cloud’ when you/I need putting in place and reminding of what’s right and wrong.
  • They give you/I the squishes whenever you/I need them.
  • They are the best secret keepers.
  • They are someone you/I can be your 100% self with.
  • They are your/my BeyoncĂ© when you/I need someone to sing and dance with.
  • They are someone who stands with you/I every step of the way, through all chapters.

Mums are amazing and absolute troopers.